The God who waits by the fire

What does God do with me when I, a believer and follower, have been unfaithful?

This summer, our college and young adult group met on Tuesday evenings for a meal, worship, and Bible study. We have been reading the Gospel of John. 

We’ve arrived at one of my favorite chapters of John, which answers this question in an unexpected and unforgettable way. But before we get to Peter and Jesus around a charcoal fire, allow me to share a story about my sixteen-year-old self. 

When I was sixteen, I started thinking about what it would look like to be baptized in the name of Jesus. I believed in God, I believed that Jesus died on the cross and was resurrected, but I wasn’t sure that I was ready to commit to Him. This felt like the biggest decision of my life. If I say yes to Jesus, this alters my entire life. 

And that felt scary as a sixteen- year-old kid. 

At sixteen, I was also a fairly boy crazy. I got attention from boys, and I liked it. I did some things I’m not proud of.

At the time, I felt a lot of shame about what I had done. I wasn’t sure that Jesus should forgive me for the things that I had done, but I knew that if I was going to get baptized, all that sin had to stop. 

So that’s what held me back. 

Was I ready to turn my back on my sin?

Finally, I felt called to repent. I prayed and talked with Jesus about these things that I had done, and I asked for forgiveness. 

And one Sunday evening, I finally went under the water.

When I came up, I felt two things: 

1. Instant relief, feeling like a 1,000 pounds had been lifted from my shoulders. 
2. A tiny, ridiculous worry that my mascara was running all down my face.  (Oh the silly things we feel as teenagers!) 

For a while, after I was baptized, I stayed on the good side. I quit being dumb, I put up boundaries, I tried to be good…

 But as we all know, eventually, I turned back. 

I failed.

 I went back to old sins. I felt caught in this never-ending shame cycle. 

•  “I will not disappoint Jesus.” 
• “Okay, I failed, but I promise I won’t EVER do that again.”
• Then, a few months later, I would do that same thing I swore I’d never do.

When you live in this cycle, alone, I might add.. you start to question many things. 

• Am I really saved?
• Am I really a believer? 
• If I really loved Jesus, why can’t I stop? 
• Does He still love me?
• Does He forgive me?
• Does He still want me, broken, messy bits and all?

For a Christian, failing or falling is inevitable. But the story you tell yourself after the fall can become the narrative that hinders transformation. 

Do you believe that you did a bad thing? 

Or do you believe YOU are bad?

Satan whispers, in my worst moments, not that I made a mistake, but that I AM a mistake. 

Do you hear the difference? One of those statements is outside of me; it’s changeable.  The other is who I am. 

But when it comes to sin, and particularly, the special brand of sin that I’m so partial to consuming, I am often inclined to believe it’s irrefutable and unchangeable. I believe: 

I am a mistake. 

I have failed Jesus. 

I can never go back.

So, I’ll ask again. When I’ve been unfaithful to God, what does He do with me? 

I know the shame and regret cycle well. The promise to never do it again. The failures. The tears. That’s why when I read about Peter in this story, I really lean in.

Cue John 21. 

There’s a tragic story about Peter though, right before resurrection that’s worth retelling to set the stage.

Jesus predicts that He is going to suffer and die on the cross, and He predicts that Peter, His fearless leader of the disciples, is going to deny Him three times before the rooster crows. 

And this is exactly what happens. Jesus is arrested and brought in for questioning. Peter and John follow Him. Peter is warming himself around a charcoal fire when others recognize Peter and ask him if he was with Jesus. 

Peter vehemently denies it. Peter denies again. 

Peter denies a third time. 

The rooster crows. 

And according to Mark’s gospel, then “Peter broke down and wept.” (Mark 14:72)

I have been there after a big sin. I just broke down and wept. 

Have you ever felt that way? 

And that’s why these next words practically undo me. 

So now, Jesus has risen from the dead, and He has been seen by a few of the disciples. Jesus has appeared to over 500 people at one time, and they are grappling with the facts of the resurrection. 

He appears to Mary Magdalene, and angels give Mary the news to “go, tell his disciples and Peter that he is going before you to Galilee.”  (Mark 16:7)

Did you catch that?

His Disciples and Peter. 

The man who denied three times that he knew Jesus.

 The man who fled the crucifixion after 3 years of following. 

The man who broke down in shame and wept. 

Peter broke down not just with regret, but shame and wondered if he even belonged anymore. 

I’ve been there. That sick feeling in your stomach. The worry that things can never go back to the way they were. I feel as if I have just gone too far and Jesus can no longer love me. 

So, is Peter no longer a disciple? Has his denial of Jesus, the sin he committed, torn him away from Jesus permanently?

And yet, days later, we find Peter, after Jesus has already appeared to other disciples , fishing in a boat with his friends. Peter with empty nets, feeling utterly powerless and still feeling like a complete failure. 

Again. 

They spend all evening fishing, and they catch nothing.

 At dawn, a man calls to them on the shore and asks if they have caught any fish. 

They said no, so the man curiously tells them to cast on the right side of the boat one more time. 

Peter decides to cast and suddenly,  their nets are overwhelmed with fish. There are so many fish (153 fish, to be exact)  that they can’t even haul the nets into the boat! 

As they are trying to haul in the net, John, the writer of this gospel, tells Peter that the man standing on the shore is Jesus. 

When Peter hears John say that the man on shore is Jesus, Peter doesn’t wait for the boat to come to shore nor does he help bring the nets in. He flings himself into the sea and swims ashore. Dripping wet and breathless. 

Jesus meets him there on the sand. Jesus has built a crackling fire. There’s the smell of fish frying in a skillet. The sound of the waves crashing and birds chirping. The sky is pink and red and orange as the sun is rising. 

Then, Jesus’ voice. 

“Come and have breakfast.” 

 The very first words that Jesus is recorded to have said to Peter after were… 

“Come and have breakfast.” 

• No lecture. 
• No anger or bitterness. 
• No list of failures. 

Instead, Jesus extends an invitation to sit and eat. If it were me, meeting Jesus after betraying Him, after something so despicable, I would expect confrontation. 

A “talking to.” I would expect long and uncomfortable silence. 

But instead, breakfast. 

Jesus invites Peter to sit down, take nourishment, and talk with Him. 

During the breakfast, Jesus “asks Peter three times if he loves Him. Peter answers yes, and Jesus responds with, “feed my sheep.” (John 21:17)  Three questions for three denials.

Peter answers yes. Three times, he says yes. And at this confirmation, the yes that Peter really does love Jesus, then Jesus gives Peter his next assignment. 

Sitting on the shore around a charcoal fire, Jesus broke bread, fried fish, and shared a meal with His friend. 

When Peter failed completely Jesus did not cast him away. He brought him close. 

I’ve had my own charcoal fire moments. I’ve screwed up, and believed the lie that I am a mistake. That I am a failure. I’ve heard the whispers in my ear, that this time…It’s unforgivable and I’ve gone too far. 

But John 21 paints the real truth. 

Jesus isn’t standing on the shore waiting to condemn me. He isn’t wagging His finger or turning His back on me. Instead, He is by the fire, cooking breakfast, and calling my name. 

Immediately after Peter professes his love for Jesus at breakfast, Jesus gives him a new purpose. A set of directions. A mission. 

After I sin, when I go to Him, He is ready to forgive, and He has a mission that only I can carry out. 

When I am unfaithful, Jesus is faithful. 

When I run and hide, Jesus calls my name. 

When I completely screw it up, Jesus redeems it. 

In love, Jesus nourishes me. 

In love, Jesus affirms me. 

In love, Jesus provides a new direction. 

This is where restoration and renewal take place, not with my perfect track record. Restoration takes place with His perfect love. 

Peter’s final story in John 21 teaches me this. His last word to me will always be love. His last invitation will always be at His table. 

In a way, this is what my sixteen-year-old self needed to hear. Saying yes to Jesus back then, didn’t mean I wouldn’t ever sin or fall again.

It meant I would never fall beyond Jesus’ reach. 

So friend, if you find yourself deep in sin, in shame, in regret, don’t be afraid to fling yourself into the sea to get to Jesus. 

He will be waiting to sit with you, tend to your weary heart, restore you, and share breakfast together. 

And there’s no hesitation in His welcome. 

That’s the God we serve. Or rather, that’s the God who serves us. The one who waits by the fire, with breakfast ready.