When you don’t believe the upper story


Tucked away on my bookshelf is a black box labeled TESTIMONY. I keep that box, now full of spiral notebooks and moleskins, because they remind me of something I once didn’t believe.

God loves you and God cares for you!

But I wonder how many of us believe it?

I know I didn’t.

At least not for a while. I’m a stubborn girl and when I set out to make my mind up about something, well… I chase the rabbit down. I believed God was holy, yes, but intimate and totally involved in my life? Mmm, not so much.

In my attempt to prove God wasn’t concerned about the day-to-day issues and problems of my life, you know what I found out?

I found out the more I asked, the more He answered.

I’d keep a list, people who were sick, friends who had problems at home, things I desired for my own life. Places I wanted to go, things I wished were better in the world.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Praying is not a way to ‘rub the lamp and get three wishes from the genie,’ but I can tell you now from a few years of list keeping-

Scripture says, to seek and keep seeking. Ask and keep asking. Knock and keep knocking.

So that’s what I did. I kept asking God for things that pressed in on my heart. And it pleased him to answer.

We who claim to know Jesus, and we who claim to know Yahweh- we profess something BIG. We have answers to the most fundamental and profound questions about life that have ever been asked.

  1. Why do we exist, and for what purpose?
  2. What’s the point of this life?
  3. Is there an afterlife?

And so many people reject the truth about who God says he is, and why we are here…

The bibles teaches us there is a God who created the Heavens and the Earth, and he has complete and total authority to do what he wants primarily because he is an infinite God and he created all things.  If he so desired, God could destroy this earth and everything in it. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t because he isn’t just infinite, he is also personal. This God holds all things in his hands, and This God also holds us close to his heart. It’s a paradox to believe, but a joy when you experience it personally.

God has authority over my life so all the circumstances which I find myself in have already been ordained and ordered by God. He is most glorified in me, when I let these circumstances shape me into the woman he would have me become instead of throwing my cry to the skies asking him why he’d give me such a lot in life. God is in my life, working out his plans to prosper the nations, building up his kingdom, and spreading his gospel. The majority of these precious plans and promises—have been accomplished without me. 2,000 years now have passed since Jesus died on that cross, and rose from the dead leaving a band of people to get the message out… and Still, some 2,000 years later, I believe the same things they did, attempting to be faithful the same way they were… you think that’s an accident?

How is this possible? How was the same book preserved over the course of all of human history? How am I able to know who God is?

How? Because God wants us to know him. To call him out by his real name, to be fully known. Isn’t that what our desire is as well? To be truly known and understood?

There is a greater story occurring while our little stories are being written. The Upper Story about a God coming down, revealing himself to his people. And although his ways are higher than my ways, and his path too HOLY for me to be a part of… because of Jesus, he lets me in on it.

There is a box, labeled TESTIMONY, tucked away… and when I start to doubt, I grab an old journal, and thumb through those handwritten pages. . .

I can’t deny it. His handprints are all over my life. Evidences- tangible, real, and concrete, pointing, verifying—yes. There is a good God. Still consumed with revealing his nature. Still obsessed with me knowing him. So I write this to you, friends, you who do not believe.

Have you ever set out to find God? Ever kept a list and expected him to answer? What would happen if you did?



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